I have been going to physical therapy for my feet my entire life, but recently I started going again to give them some long overdue attention. You see, my back and my knee and my other random surgeries all pushed my feet to the back of the line in terms of "pressing health needs," but they are likely my most problematic body part. For sure, they are the part of my body that experienced the most surgical trauma.
My little feet underwent 7 or 9 surgeries. I have the medical records but am always confused about what was done to both feet and what what done on just one individual foot. They were broken and re-set, and tendons cut and lengthened. I was born with only shards of navicular bones, so they were removed all together to make room for other messed up bones. They were reconstructed by a team of doctors, and I was just five months old during my first surgery.
Having given them so much attention, it makes sense to me I ignored them for a very long time. I think in choosing to ignore them I tried to convince myself that they didn't hurt, and really lived in denial about the whole experience. I had an acupuncturist work thorough some medical and surgical trauma with me and I had no idea my feet were holding on to so much emotional pain surrounding everything I went through. I thank the stars for bringing her into my life so I could release all that was pent up and stored within.
My feet are the source of most of my pain, and it has felt really good to focus on them during these PT session. To pay them attention and care that I have denied them for so long feels like true self care. As strange as it sounds, I actually started thanking them recently for all they have done for me and all the places we have gone and apologized for neglecting them for far, far too long. My feet and I now have an open dialogue. Even weirder than taking them, is the the notion I think I can hear them speaking back to me... I feel like I am in tune with their spirit now.
So as I finished up my last session today, I took a moment to think about how grateful I am. Grateful that I have had insurance which has allowed to get PT throughout my life. PT that helped me recover from all 13+ surgeries. I am grateful for physical therapists that REALLY listen to you and actually want to see you get better. I am grateful for the realization that if I do the work at home there are ACTUAL benefits and they are not merely printing those slips with exercises on them because it feels good. They care. In a darker moments all it takes for me to shift out of my dark-space is to remember: I acknowledge for myself that my whole life I have been surrounded by people who truly want to see my life get better. How amazing is that?!
I believe our perspective are all relative to the cumulation of our experiences, and I felt deeply grateful as I WALKED out of PT knowing that I have improved. I feel hopeful and appreciative for my mobility.
Please, if you have a disability, or a chronic illness, or experience anxiety and depression, etc... know that I am over here sending you light. I honor your experience and I am here for you. I share in your joys and triumphs, and I hold space for you when you are hurting. Drop me a line if you ever need to talk and know that you are not alone in your pain. For you and our connection, I am grateful.
~Thanks for reading,